Half way to Nothing

So here I sit on a grey, dull December day, half way through my fiftieth year.

And I’m feeling as grey as the weather.

I’ve done absolutely nothing for a month.  Nothing in the fitness department, nothing off the 50 / 50 list, nothing on either of my web pages.  Nothing except feeling depressed and playing computer games.  The only thing I’ve gained is weight. 

No inspiration

It’s become very difficult to find things to look forward to.  Yes, sure, there’s Christmas but it’s not the type of thing that inspires one to get to the gym or inspired to get out there.  For me it’s a time that involves singing and dancing plus moments of quiet contemplation marveling at lights and human kindness.

Stagnation

So here’s my dilemma – how to re-inspire myself to get going on all my goals.  Even the fact my shirts are starting to feel a little tight again hasn’t seemed to motivate me as you think it would!  And now facing the long dark of January, it’s going to be a monumental task to keep my spirits up.  I’ve been sitting in from of my daylight box to try and elevate the serotonin in my brain.  I’ve tried getting lots of sleep, getting a little sleep, listening to music.  Nothing it is working.

I couldn’t even get organised to have a 50 ½ year get together with a few friends.

Going forward?

Perhaps I’m thinking so much about it that I’m inadvertently forcing myself into a being overwhelmed situation.  Setting my expectations so high that I get overwhelmed and then just shut down.  It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done that.

I guess I’ll just put things on hold for now and after Christmas try again.  Perhaps I’ll discover that a new year brings a renewed attitude.

Let’s hope it works.