This is the end, beautiful friend, the end.

The Doors

The End

So for my 23^rd wedding anniversary, my husband gave me the gift of requesting a divorce.  He actually said, “separation”, but the outcome is the same. This was the end of my marriage.

This old grey mare will be not be going into my golden years, arm in arm with a husband, sharing all the joys and sorrows of the golden years.  Nope, I’ll be making the journey solo.

“I just don’t respect you”

Husband stated he no longer respected me, nor felt that our marriage was worth the effort of saving.  He was unhappy and the only thing he could think of doing to make himself happy was leaving me.

Naturally I was a bit pissed off.  After all the stuff I’d put up with from his family over 20 years, he doesn’t respect me!?  Man, I deserve a medal of honour.  But he wants to keep things polite for junior’s sake so I agree to play nice.

Breaking up is Hard to do

It ain’t gonna be easy.  Just starting to talk about finances and splitting things up makes both of us a bit defensive.  It’s really going to take some serious diplomacy.

At least we both can agree on one thing:  we want to make our divorce have as little impact as possible on junior.  His well-being will always come first.

My Little Man

My dear little man is a sensitive lad and he really wants us to stay together.  I told him that his dad refused to go to marriage counselling, he simply wants out.

Funny, when husband tells junior that his parents are splitting up, they discuss my short comings.  I said to junior, funny, I thought more appropriate discussion would be your dad’s short comings since he’s the one tearing our family apart.

Let’s hope the tug of war over junior’s affection doesn’t happen but it might.  I plan for a weekend activity with junior and husband, who has more money, can up the ante.  Naturally junior will want to go to with the bigger, faster, more event.  I can see myself left standing in the dust.

A Bit pissed, really

I know I’m looking at the glass half empty but the resentment and anger is still pretty fresh.  What I thought was going to be a chance to enjoy the fruits of all my hard work over the years will now change.  If I want to keep my house, I’ll need to get another part time job.  Likely I’ll be heading back to school to get a marketable skill.  Bachelor degrees are nice but are only paper on the wall.  Likely I’ll have to take on either students or room mates.  Room mates at 51!  I thought I left that behind at 30.

Dating!?!?

The shock of being tossed to the curb at 50 is a bit overwhelming.  I haven’t dated in 25 years!  I have no idea how to start or where to start.

My single friends have told me about their on-line dating experiences and I find them frankly depressing.  Besides we ALL know that you can say whatever you want on the internet, it doesn’t make it true in person.  I’ve seen pictures of guys who look pretty good but when you meet them you realise that pictures is over a decade old!

Taking Control

When my husband unceremoniously ended my marriage I felt like my life was no longer in my control.  He had, once again, decided how our life was going, or not going, to be.

I decided that one thing I could do was start making the house MY home.

I started with MY bedroom.  The first thing I bought was brightly coloured flowered sheets.  Husband never wanted to sleep in girly sheets.  Now that he had no say in it, there were going to be flowery sheets on the bed, DAMMIT! Then I took down his art, put up mine, sewed new curtains in colours I liked and put in new night stands.  Next came aroma therapy spray and the removal of his trinkets off the dresser.  At least one room in my domain was mostly mine.

Next – The Legal Stuff

Next comes the legal wrangling and the big divide of stuff.  Then trying to figure out how I’m going to financially make ends meet since husband earns a helluva lot more than I do.

But some of that is again, out of my control.

Right now, I’ll keep focusing on the things I can control, make myself feel that my life is really my own going forward.

To fresh woods and pastures new

It’s been a few months since he dropped the bomb but for the first time I’m feeling rather positive.  I can make this work.

I will spend my time with people with whom I can laugh with and enjoy lively conversation.  Perhaps I will travel to far flung places and meet interesting people.  Perhaps I’ll even meet someone who truly appreciates me.    Wouldn’t that be nice.