08/13/16

David Bowie

I’ll stick with you, baby, for a thousand years.

Nothin’s gonna touch you in these golden years.

David Bowie, Golden Years

David Bowie For a Thousand Years

It was croissant Friday, payday, and I was treating myself to the usual croissant. At 7 a.m., upon entering my favourite patisserie, I caught the tail end of Bowie’s song, V2 Schneider. I hadn’t heard it in years: since the wasband decommissioned my turn table in fact. The next song was Golden years and memories came flooding back. My eyes started to tear up thinking about the song. I sang it to junior when he was little. It was the song I listened to it when I felt all my friends had abandoned me. When I listened to it when I felt immortal. Mr. Bowie was on my side. Continue reading →

01/24/16

2015 – That was the Year that Was

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been praying’ for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Johnny Nash – I can see Clearly Now

Thank Goodness that the year is “was”

Good Morning. Let the stress begin…

My first inclination is to describe 2015 as an “annus horibilis”.

Certainly there were enough bad things going on to warrant it. Continue reading →

11/17/15

We Don’t Live Here Anymore

Watch the shadow cross the floor (sun in an empty room)
We don’t live here anymore (sun in an empty room)

Sun in an empty room, The Weakerthans

So our 190 boxes had been moved to the new house and it was time to go back and take one last look at where we used to live.

It had been pouring down rain all day. As I stepped into my old living room for the last time, the sun came out. It hit me that this would be the last time I’d see the sun slant across this floor. We don’t live here anymore. Continue reading →

11/15/15

Paris Cries, Junior does not

When I heard of the attacks in Paris, my heart broke. Is this what the civilized world had come to? Yet junior seemed unmoved.

While watching the CBC, tears streaming down my face, I worried about my friends, my friend’s friends, my family in DK, my family in Italy. Where would the cowardly acts of stupidity stop?

Junior says, “It’s not happening here, it’s not happening to people I know. I’ll save my tears for then, otherwise I’ll run out of tears.” I understand that. He’s watched me cry for almost a decade but I haven’t run out yet. Continue reading →

06/29/15

The Big C, Take 2 – Mental Help

Mental Help Required

Once the cancer was gone, how could I remove it from my mind?

Cancer as Business

The cancer agency is an all encompassing body which decides each step for a patient. There’s usually a flurry of activity and then you wait until there’s a spot for you. Apparently cancer is a huge business. I was informed that the local cancer agency made about $200,000 off my treatment. None of which went into patient well-being that I could see. All services that helped patients deal with the mental onslaught of cancer were provided by volunteers.

And onslaught it is. There were times I felt bullied by the medical staff, made to feel afraid. Afraid of making my own decisions about how may body was going to be treated. Afraid of going against what the doctors recommended. I was made to feel that if I went against the norm, I was doing so at my own peril. Continue reading →

06/23/15

The Big C, Take 2 – Prepping for Radiation

The next steps of my cancer treatments

Hurry up and wait, again.

Once the operation was over, I was foisted back onto the cancer waiting list. This time it was for radiation treatments.

The Radiation Oncologist

When the cancer mill starting turning again for me, my first appointment was meeting the radiation oncologist, Dr. C. She was going to determine how long and how much radiation my poor breast would receive. I had read in the literature that additional treatments in the form of supplements may also be required. I had decided that I was not going to take any chemical substances, some of which had brutal side effects. I was going to try a more natural approach. I noted it on the forms I filled in for Dr. C. Continue reading →

06/15/15

The Big C, Take 2 – The Cancer Operation

Big C, Take 2 – Cancer Round 2

The Cancer Operation

Stops Four and Five

After the Big C diagnosis, I moved into the no man’s land where time is not your own. It’s like being a child again and having mom and dad scheduling your day. The difference is you’re not being scheduled for fun stuff.

Stop 4 – The Operation

Continue reading →

05/11/15

The Big C, Take 2 – The First “C” Days

The Big C – My Round 2 with cancer

The First “C” Days

Cancer has entered my life, twice. The second time with cancer was very traumatic. I explored many avenues to heal myself, both mentally and physically. I wanted to make sure that my second round with cancer would be the final one.

My naturopath told me that my lung meridian was holding an enormous amount of sadness. Unloading the sadness would elevate my body to the next healthier level. He thought it could be related to my second go round with the big C, breast cancer.

So, with wasband now history, and myself moving into a more positive phase in life, it would be worth unloading some more baggage. It is time to write about my big C, take 2. Continue reading →

Damp Coast Dame

Thoughts created in the rain

Tag Archives: Grief