Too Much on your Shoulders
Do you ever feel that there is so much weight upon your shoulders you can barely stand upright?
Today my collapse started with a paper jam. It always is the most innocuous things, isn’t it?
And, naturally, my husband was the root problem. If he had taken my advice and printed those heavy cardboard thingies at a copy store instead of trying to stuff it in my little colour printer……. Well, you get the picture.
Work!
Yesterday at work, I was paying for other people’s procrastination. A job that everyone knew was coming for over 2 months had been put off and put off. Then, a week before the due date, (surprise, surprise), it simply had to be done and then all at once. The stress and pressure of having to do everything last minute all the while knowing I was ONLY having to do this because some inept person – who gets paid 5 times my salary – couldn’t grow a pair and make a decision. My stomach was very sore for most of the day and well into the evening.
Other People!
Last night my cleaning person called and said she’d be here at 8 a.m. EIGHT A.M. WTF??? I call her back and tell her we’d agreed to start at 9. Oh but she’s got a busy day and everyone wants to be fit in on Thursdays and…. Now, my friends, you know I’m NOT a morning person. I need even just ½ hour of peace to calm my restless mind and calm that little voice that keeps yelling, “GO GO GO”. I cave and accept my Thursday will be hectic right from the moment I get up.
Crumbling
So, this morning, after picking up after son and husband, realizing no one in my house has any respect for my requests, I find myself crying over the laundry in the basement.
The weight of everything has finally brought me low. And you know it’s not just the printer, or the family, or the cleaner, or the dufus’ at work. It’s the cumulative stress of having to be on all the time. It makes me feel like I’m crawling up the walls on fly paper and have to yank my hands and knees out of it just to move.
It was after we returned from holidays that I realised my on button never switched off. When I returned to “normal” life after 2 weeks of someone else taking care of everyday details for me, I felt like I had been dropped onto a treadmill that was running way faster than I could handle. The bile and anxiety just rose up into my throat and seemed to stay there.